I cleaned my ASS off this weekend. I found shit I thought was buried in storage. Which is the NEXT pile o’ crap I’m tackling. Well, after my bathroom, which is in dire need of a good scrub down.
I made a decision a couple of days ago. I’m going to figure out how to get my ass to Humboldt. I’m going to figure out how to afford it, both financially and mentally/emotionally. Because 1) I need to get the FUCK out of my parents house (35 is TOO OLD to be living with your parents, even if at this moment I feel about 25, and that’s a stretch) and 2) I REALLY want to be near the redwoods and the beach and the ocean and the fog and at school and on my own again.
I may not be around as much as usual (which is WAY less lately than I used to be around) because I’m going to do what I can to make this my focus. Which means getting a job, focusing on the things I need to focus on like my psyche and my sleeping and my self-confidence issues and just general what I want to do with my life issues.
I want to be a teacher, whether or not it’s a good idea. I’ve wanted to be a teacher since I was a kid. It’s all I can picture myself doing. Except working pointless fucking retail jobs (no offense to those that work those, I know that sounds extremely judgmental, but fuck, I need MORE) and I’d rather chop my head off.
In any case, I cleaned. And cleaned. I got rid of stuff, clothes and some jewelry I haven’t worn since high school. Big ass plastic bags full of clothes and trash, big bags that my 5’7” and 270 lbs body could EASILY fit in (I’m flexible, that helps) FULL of things to throw out or donate. As I believe Abby said, “Tidy on the outside makes tidy on the inside,” or something similar. I’ve been lucky in that at least today (Sunday) NCIS was on ALL DAY :) Which helped the time pass and kept me on my feet. I don’t actually HAVE to watch to picture what’s going on, like many of us. Except, of course, there might have been a few scenes I just kind of stared at and rewatched a few times (HELLO Tony trying to make McGee feel better scene in Probie, to name one).
And now? I’ve treated myself to a few beers. I’m about to open my fourth Corona. I figured I deserved it after having done such a huge thing. And this? For me? Is a HUGE thing, at least to the level I did it. I’m feeling warm and tingly, my arms and legs are a little heavy, and I shouldn’t have much problem passing out tonight. Thanks to the Coronas, and I admit a hit of my night-time cold medicine (I’m still hacking up some decent phlegm, I’m telling yah), I may be able to get to sleep sometime before 4 in the morning, which is still nearly 2 and a half hours away.
Anywho, just wanted to let everyone know. Love, and I’d love to know if anyone can guess which of those NCISsecrets was mine from the crazy weekend we’ve had? Because MAN, I had to go back quite a few pages to find the one I’d done early early Saturday morning.
